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10 More Keys to your Success“People don’t care what you know until they know that you Care!”
I have used that quote a few times in my writings in this blog and there I go using it again.But, please, give it some thought and you will come to the realization that it is very true.
Lou Holtz, former coach of the Fighting Irish, Notre Dame’s Football team once that when “someone meets you that person wants to know three things: Can I trust you? Are you committed to excellence? And do you care about me, as a person?” Only after the third question is actually answered do the other two really take on any significance.
A top ten list is really just not enough to begin to define what you need to become successful, and obviously raising that total to twenty as we will do during this piece is not the whole answer either. But if it is success you are searching for, striving for and wanting for your life then these new “ten” will really set a foundation for all else that is to come in your life. I would recommend you use these as a guide, and NO, these are not Ya-ttitude’s version of reinventing the wheel. I may be smoothing the edges for you a bit, or even slightly simplifying the process in which you manufacture your wheel, but theses are in no way groundbreaking; they are, though, a key ingredient to your recipe to success. Simplifying that which we consider complicated is the best way to accomplish our goals. Take them one step at a time, learn them, make them part of you day, your week, your year and then your life and watch how quickly success finds you and you find it!
Since these will be the 11-20 of the Suggestions to success, I will give you the short version of 1 through 10, which you can read and lean in their entirety in the previous post: “10 Suggestions for your Success.”
1. Work at something you enjoy.
2. Do something that is worthy of your time and talent.
3. Be the most positive person you can be.
4. Be generous.
5. Be a self-starter.
6. Stop blaming others.
7. Go the extra mile.
8. Be decisive.
9. Be forgiving.
10. Save money.
The following ten additions really focus on your personality and being able to create a pleasing personality to accomplish that goal of success…
11. Take Inventory of yourself: Build that self esteem and that self-confidence. Think about all the ways you positively and not-so-positively act and interact with others. Then create a list and get to work on those skills that need deepening and those you need to shed. One-at-a-time.
12. Set Goals for yourself: Here are two quick ideas for your goal-setting process. First set those long term “I want these goals,” with dates and a serious time frame to follow, and then Secondly and just as important set goals for each step and interaction along the way. You do realize that you just cannot go it alone; so why not have a plan in place for your “interaction with others.” In both circumstances, Be sure to know what you want, think about how you can accomplish it and how others can help you reach your goals (always be sure to give back more than you are trying to get - karma is a bitch) and then decide on just how to approach them; again, one-at-a-time.
13. Be Charismatic: “It is an intangible quality that makes people follow you, admire you, and just want to be around you.” Don’t interrupt, don’t mentally cut off the other person and more so, do not load your mind with comments and answers while the other person is still speaking. Wait till they finish and wait until you are sure they have finished and then just be you!
14. Do unto Others: You need to treat each person exactly how you would like to be treated. Treat them as if they are truly important; because they are! Believe me; you will be amazed at how successful this technique will work for you.
15. Flattery: Yes, flattery can get you everywhere. It can also get you nowhere! If you want flattery to work as a success-tool for you it must be sincere. People know when you are full of it, just like you know when they are. If you don’t really feel it, don’t say it!
16. Have a Pleasing Personality: That is kind of the general theme of these ten tools for your success, and one of the most important tools in your pleasing personality kit is a good and firm handshake. Be sure to look the other person in the eyes when you are shaking hands. Train yourself to look for something pleasing, it helps to maintain your smile and when you do, they will feel comfortable and trusting towards you.
17. Listen, Listen, And Listen: Did I mention Listening? There is a reason the lord gave us two ears and just one mouth; always listen twice as much and twice as hard as the person you are talking with. Be sure to realize you are talking WITH and not to them! It is amazing at just what you will come away with and at just what people are willing to share if you are willing to listen. This is a skill I cannot preach enough. This is one of the real biggies people!
18. Visible Responses: Smile - this one is paramount to your success. Nod in agreement, use your eyes and body to convey feelings and thoughts; and always be sure to remember and “use” names. Lose the “he” and “she” when speaking with others and get names into your writings and conversations.
19. Pay Attention: Actually even better said is “pay attention to the other person, much more than you are paying attention to yourself.” Your stories and your history can wait; theirs are more important right now. You will get your turn, don’t you worry. Be sure to respond to EXACTLY what they are talking about, lose the “filter” and go with the topic and conversation at hand; even when it might be one you are not completely found of…
20. In Summation: You always need to “Sum it Up!” Be sure to “restate” often; get it right, and get it clear. Do not assume anything and always be sure to clarify. Let all that are involved know that you are processing their information and that it is important to you to be correct in understanding it. Let everyone feel at ease with you, let them feel comfortable in conversation and always allow them time to make corrections. Your final summation is in your hands, being thorough and following through to the final detail.
And now it is my turn to “Sum it Up!”
— Don’t get carried away. Don’t go overboard. Be self-confident, but do not be arrogant (been there, done that - the T-Shirt is not something you want to own). Be sure everyone knows you seek their expertise and that you value their opinions.
Remember - Your communications skills are key!
; ?>)
November 25th, 2008 at 8:56 am
excellent tips on how to achieve your goals
November 25th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Thank you - I am glad you like them.
November 25th, 2008 at 10:26 am
“someone meets you that person wants to know three things: Can I trust you? Are you committed to excellence? And do you care about me, as a person?”
This is so true, no matter which field we work in. As a Nurse, no work could begin with any patient before I could see in their expressions that they had their answers to these questions. In these cases cooperation led the path of work to success.
November 25th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Hey Tamera - thanks for the props - I would agree - it does not matter what part of life we are talking about - people need to know you care before they will trust you. Just like you need to love yourself before you can love others!
November 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
True, most of this is not new but I like the edge you put on it. I’m old enough to have learned the first ten by working with people and making mistakes. The other keys to success take on a different flavor when you’re trying to succeed in a new skill like blogging. You can’t really smile at the visitor except through your words. And you certainly can be arrogant with comments, etc. This makes it difficult, but knowing that and setting goals can help. #20 also is necessary when dealing with older relatives — I find I listen and listen… but just that act validates their feelings and gives a level of comfort.You learn important things about what they may be forgetting or needing. Although, at the end of a session I may be too tired to sum it up!
November 25th, 2008 at 11:50 am
@SBA - Smiling at the other person or any person through your words is a great skill to acquire. Whether you are doing it on your blog or in person the effect is the same. A smile is a wondrous cure. Sometimes harder to evoke - but still great when you finally get it out of you. My pleasure to help you with translating it to the blogoshphere whenever you need some help!
Ben
November 25th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Hello Ben, This is wonderful. I think it says it all. Often people get so caught up in themselves they don’t see other people, don’t really listen to other people, and don’t care about other people. So I was please with all you said here. It is paramount to successful relationships of ANY kind! And the interesting this is that when we can leave our arrogance, our gimmy gimmy, our non-stop talking, our conniving, contriving, etc. behind and just bring out caring, listening, sincere, genuinely interested selves into any interaction, we will actually find that we have waaaaay more fun, more friends, and more success. It’s amazing. I think this is one of your best pieces yet!! Good job Benny!
November 25th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
We all want to know that the person we are sharing with is truly listening and actually cares. Since my head injury I have had difficulties with focus and concentration. Being challenged by this injury has resulted in a slow down and pay attention imperative and if I ignore it I suffer from migraines. When conversing with others I’ve noticed is that in order to be in the moment and totally immersed in what the other person is sharing I must struggle to pay attention and be a good listener in a way I never had to before. I’ve also noticed that I needed yo paraphrase and summarize what they are saying to me more than once during most conversations. At first I did this inside my head but gradually I began to do it out loud. It was wonderful to see the affect. Faces softened, shoulders fell and the body language made it very clear that my friends felt more appreciated when I took the time to do this.
November 25th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Robin, the issue sometimes crops up when others believe or confuse your confidence with arrogance. If you can be sure to always be genuine in all you do - that confusion will melt away - like a heart that has fallen in love!
November 25th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Thanks Benny. You always have a way to simplify and make sense out of your topics. I like the way you’ve broken this down into bite-size chunks. I believe in taking charge of one’s own destiny.
November 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Hi Shayne -
I kinda have made it a point that I want to be the lay mans version of positive attitude. We are all human and all have those days we would rather not live through, but if you can work through it and you will - you will soon realize that all things will be better - use what you learn and make it a big part of your tomorrows…
November 26th, 2008 at 5:35 am
I really interesting about number 10 case topic..
Do you wanna explain how to get the money on internet and then how to better to save…?
Thanks in advance,
November 26th, 2008 at 6:13 am
@Narmadi… You leave me a bit confused.. How to get money on the internet? As in make money? You know what you want to do and what you want to be in life - harness your greater skills and use them to make you money -internet or otherwise - but as you go along be sure to put away at least ten percent of that - rainy days do happen
November 29th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Very very interesting how you summed up these very important ways of communicating. When we can put the person we are conversing with at ease with our own body languages and words, we have a better chance of them receiving what we are saying be it good or bad.
At least that’s my take!
Great post Benny! Thank-you!
~K
November 29th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
@ Kim - Your take is spot on - it is always easier to get your point across or understand another persons point when you both feel at ease… Tip: Try breathing in the same cadence as the other… like when you are making love and you seem to fall into a breathing rhythm that is exactly the same as your lovers… watch how at ease the other becomes… test it out slowly and realize the power!
November 30th, 2008 at 2:08 am
Great list, and I thought I would add 10 more:
http://www.pinnycohen.com/2008/02/24/personal-development/top-10-keys-to-success/
November 30th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
@ Pinny - What a lame-ass attempt at seeming to add to the conversation. I left it there so people can go to your blog - which is not bad at all - though your method of gaining some visits is as lame as a three legged chair…
You are not adding to the list- as your list mimics mine almost exactly - but - I am feeling like I owe the karma-gods something today - so good luck…
December 6th, 2008 at 2:20 am
Hey there Benny,
I’m curious to find out, what is your definition of “success” ?
+Baker
December 7th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
@ Baker - Are you looking for the definition of success as I see it? Or what i would consider a success for me?
Ben
December 15th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Benny, haven’t been here for a while, but looking at your recent comment “three-legged chair”…I just about fell off of mine laughing! And just to make sure the “Karma-Gods” don’t put coal in my stocking, I sure as heck ain’t adding my URL! [but the Lords of Ya-ttitude added it back in] (You know where to find me!) Ha! Ha! Your site looks fantabulous by the way! Hope all is well - Love Nards
December 15th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Nards!!!
It is so good to see you - I am glad you like the new look - though it is still a Work In Progress…
http://www.nardeeisms.blogspot.com
Is where you all have to go when you want to find Nards - and enjoy a Great blog!!!