The Fear of Old Age: Growing Pains!
July 7, 2008
The Fear of Old Age: Growing Pains!
The Fear of Old Age and those Growing Pains is very closely related to and influenced by three or more of the other Great Fears. The Fear of Poverty, the Fear of Illness and the Fear of Death all have a place in the birth of this Fear. All have a place in the manifestation of this fear and all have a great influence on how we feel about growing old. These three fears have the pleasure of calling themselves the parents of the Fear of Old Age, but in our more modern time the Fear of Criticism and Embarrassment as well as the Fear of the Loss of Love and Loved ones also plays a great part in keeping the fear alive and growing. The fear of Old Age is almost like a review of many of the fears we have previously discussed and of the one big universal one that we will be getting to shortly; The Fear from Death.
In essence this fear of Old Age will serve as a great way to review our understanding of some of the topics we have recently covered, as well as a great way to increase our knowledge surrounding these fears and how to understand and handle them in our every day lives.
My perspective on this fear is a bit different than the classic perspective and with that thought in your mind I feel much more comfortable calling the Fear of Old age, The Fear of Growing Older. It is not purely Old Age that is a fear, but growing “Older” that scares most of us. The fear of Growing Older encompasses many smaller fears that finally create the great Big One! Whether we are in our teens or our sixties the fear is almost the same. Though certain aspects of the fear are heightened at different ages, the components of the fear basically remain the same. And the interesting part is that some of the larger parts of the fear (as in the fear of poverty - translated into “paying our bills”) weigh heavy on all age levels in this fear. 
I remember being about seventeen and hanging out with a bunch of my closest friends one night at a park in Brooklyn that we called home. Amazingly enough that conversation skewed its way into wondering how we are going to pay bills and things when we finished High School for some and college for others. It was a deep and wide spread conversation for a bunch of kids that ranged from 15 to 18 years of age. I remember talking about being the accounting major and taking all those classes on how to write checks (remember those) and balancing books and such and being sure that “this is no big deal.” While others wondered where does the money actually come from? The teen mind is active and moving forward, but still wonders how it will be as they grow older and where their wealth and happiness will come from once they have left the cozy nest.
There are two age groups that seem to be the ones I work most with; those in their late twenties and those who have crossed the line at forty and slightly beyond. The interesting thing about those two groups is that they fear much of the same as it involves growing older. The twenty-something’s are afraid that they have reached their creative and work-worthy limits. At this point in their lives, if they are not “set” then they are in trouble is exactly what they fear. Now as for the twenty-something’s that fear is probably one that comes from times gone by. It was not all that long ago that a “future-forward” person was married, had their children and their career in full swing at 28. In today’s ever-changing world it is not a necessary. I work with many people between the ages of 25 and 31 trying to show them that the “great veil of the future” starts to lift itself at around thirty. From that point you can start to see what it was you did and how you need to work on those goals, and what it is you want to do with your life and start setting a focus and plan to attaining it. It seems that at the tender age of thirty life starts to show itself in full transparency to an individual. Your thoughts become more focused and your work ethic hits a much higher note. This is a fantastic point in your life to overcome the issues that make us fear growing old and old age. It is the perfect time to get your plan in place, start to work hard at attaining it, this is a great time to gather that group of like-minded people to work with you and you work with them in the attainment of you goals and this is a sensitive time where negative influences are concerned. It is a sensitive time as many people are now in full career swing and friends and even family can come down hard on you when you want to go for a major change and move forward with your life’s-goals. If it is something you really want and really intend to work at it - then work hard to block out those negatives and keep the positive outlook. It will allow you to be much more comfortable with old age and growing older as it happens each and every day.
When working with the group that is slightly older and in their early to mid forties things are remarkably similar, but in a slightly different aspect. This group seems to find fault with itself more than any other (except teenagers - but that is a whole other book). There is a definite tendency to “slow down” and develop a false inferiority complex solely based on age. They feel they are “slipping or losing touch” which is very strange because at this ripe “young” age (between forty and sixty) the greatest use of our mental and spiritual assets and attributes are available. Many forty-something’s speak apologetically about their age as if age is an excuse; Instead of realizing that reaching the age of forty, fifty and sixty is an advantage and a gift of wisdom and understanding. How many times have you said “if Only I was Younger?” This is a period in your life when you can use all of the knowledge and experience you have gained as well as all of those friends and contacts and build it into your dream. It is a perfect time to apply everything and get everything as you have now entered the age-of-wisdom and can now be exactly that which you have strived for and if you have not yet started - it is a PERFECT time to get that plan down and move forward. 
You must realize though, that if you are to use your skill and wisdom and all the knowledge that being a forty-plus individual has given you, you must also dress and act the part. Do not try to hide behind fashion-forward clothing and try to be 21 when you are 41. The effect is more ridiculous than advantageous. I am not telling you to not be fashion conscious, just be age appropriate. Dress like the expert you now are. When you are trying to project confidence and expertise you need to look the part. You need your potential “customers” realize that they NEED you because YOU are the expert. If you are going to be the expert - play the part well! You are now at a stage in life that affords you the spoils of expertise, do not give it away by trying to be someone or something you are not; take advantage of what you have learned. That is the way to ward off the fear of Old Age.
Remember: You control all that you want to be. You are the master of you ship, so set sail for success. Do not fear old age and do not fear growing old, as both should be embraced and taken advantage of so that you can prosper.
My Good Friend Nicole from Kitchen Table Medicine would also love to help you. Take a look at her Anti-aging Diet.
Do not be embarrassed about your age - no matter what your age is! - You are better today and everyday - in every way!
Do not fear poverty - You are on the track to defining your goals and your future - poverty does not stand a chance against your force of effort!
Do not fear Illness - as at this age - at any age - you are better than you were yesterday and getting better every day!
Do not fear the Loss of Love - You are better and smarter and wiser with age - all attributes that the ones that you love and that love you appreciate!
Do not fear growing older - It is exactly like your plan - it gets better, focused, defined and refined each and every day!
Do not Fear Old Age - Embrace it, as it is coming regardless - so why fear it - use it to your advantage!
| 3.8 (2 people) |
Posted by 
Comments
34 Responses to “The Fear of Old Age: Growing Pains!”
Got something to say?
-
Awarded by Amy to Ya-ttitude
Great post Benny! I too have had to take a look at getting older and aging. Your post brings up several good points that we should all focus on. Don’t fear getting older — enjoy life today!
Hey Cindy - You need to enjoy the ride - Too many people are looking for the end of the tunnel - why not enjoy the ride through it!
And then have more fun at the other end.
Ben
Well done, I felt I was coming into my own in my 30’s, now at 42, I feel like I have “refined” my goals, desires and vision - I have yet to apologize for my age… maybe at 43 hehehe….
I do not think we American’s appreciate the wisdom of our “elders” as we see in other cultures - which is a shame… Do you think that your post applies to all?
I agree - It does seem to be the early 40’s that is the POWER area for your mental and spiritual abilities…
Applies to all what?
Benny, this is a well thought out web log and indicative of what readers may find here. Good sound advice. Well done.
Thanks for the heads up and the props Theresa. Check is in the mail
Applies to all cultures… do you think that the fear of old age is just an American thing or universal?
The fear of Old Age is a universal fear - so “generally speaking” - it is a fear that everyone has - or has had. But it seems that those of us in the Western Word are much more susceptible to this fear. Now - of course - that is based on my work with a much larger proportion of people from the Culture of the West. But even in the most basic - the elders of the Japanese and Chinese are well taken care of - with little fears as they grow older - not so here in the States
Great post Benny! I have loved each year I have been, wouldn’t even think of going back. Each year gets better and better!
Thanks Kim - It makes us who and what we are. I would never trade those years away - as they make me… me!
I love being the age I am right now and that’s 49 forever … lol
We westerners are youth worshippers, who tend to overlook the value of mentors and elders who have so much good stuff to offer us in friendships. Luckily I have always had a wide range of friends who span the complete age range. Many of the older people I love dearly are my role models. It’s wonderful being part of their lives because they are creative, vibrant, self-directed and happy seniors so, in fact, I’m looking forward to the time in my life that is referred to as “the golden years”.
I’m a cancer survivor and I think that what I went through was truly instrumental in helping me accept who I am and to identify and capitalize on my strengths, rather than dwelling on my weaknesses. Previous to that time I did have a fear of aging and now I don’t.
You are a wonderful writer and motivator Ben. I look up to you as an example of a person who is living a fearless life.
@TT - Thanks so much for the kind words. It is refreshing and joyful to me when my writing can touch others. It is pure inspiration! Again - thank you so much
Awesome post and thanks for thinking to link to me
What do you recommend for the “Fear of Being Young?”
Aka having to work your ass off to make it in this world…LOL
I can’t wait to be old and crotchety and retired. I think it sounds delightful.
Nicole - I know you have no fear of hard work - and have one of the best work ethics I have ever witnessed. There is your cure for the fear of being young. Work that tail off - so you can work smart - not long and make a wonderful success for yourself! Be proud of you and all the things that you accomplish.
Ben
Benny,
Thanks for bringing up an issue that I wish we would talk about more. I am retired and learning to build an internet marketing business after spending over 28 years working in public service in aging services. The learning curve has indeed been steep but it has provided much fuel to keep an aging brain active and young.
I have a major soap-box issue going inside me about the over use of the term anti-aging. We should be using the term pro-aging in order to help people of all ages embrace the aging natural process and not to fear and/or dread it. (Anti=against; Pro=For). How can we expect young people to grow older with a positive attitude about aging when we constantly use anti-aging advertising for beauty products, diets, health…….
We should be promoting pro-aging and developing messages that encourage all ages to focus on healthy ways to improve the balance of our life and it’s longevity.
I do not fear aging; although I may resent some of the side effects.
I do not fear death; although I may resent going before I am ready.
I have a Squidoo lens on the debate between being pro-aging vs. anti-aging. It has been an interesting discussion. Thanks again for this article and I hope that you will continue the discussion.
Wow dude, that was a real good one. I am impressed.
@Jimmy - Impressed? Well now I know my night has been made!
It’s my first visit here and I’m liking it. You address a lot on fears, something that I’m working on for personal healing. I’ve subscribed to your post. Keep up the good work!
Evelyn
@ Evelyn - Thanks for stopping by and I am glad you enjoyed the read(s).
When I think of old age, there is a quotation which always pops up in my mind, “Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.” Eleanor Roosevelt. That one picture in your post says it all, “Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional!”
@BK - Mrs Roosevelt was one smart woman. It is our own efforts that will lead us to that beautiful life. We need to work onit and make it happen. And you do know - you can do it!
I have to agree with you, it is a combination of fears.The idea that there may not be enough time to achieve your goals can stop you from reaching; if you let it.
Thank you for your words of encouragement !!!
@Pamela - You are so right. Many people believe that there just is not enough time. If they would look at their goal or dream as a series of mini events each with a celebration as they are achieved - it would be so much easier. Like reading that HUGE book - do it one chapter at a time and all of a sudden… you are there!
What about the Fear of Never Finding Love? I am only 24 and the more I concentrate on advancing my career, setting in place the building blocks that will ensure my future where I am or anywhere I may end up, and looking ahead and planning for my future, the more I realize how little time I have to find someone to share my life with. Older friends and colleagues constantly tell me I have plenty of time to find someone, “You’re still young, only 24″, but that’s easy for them to say–they all have someone.
At the same time, I have a constant feeling like I’m not ready to commit to a long term relationship, and feel most women would be put off by that fact. It’s not that I fear commitment, but I fear meeting someone and then finding out they can’t/won’t go where my career is taking me…
To end the blathering, I guess the fear I would have to add is “The Fear of Growing Old, Alone”.
Interesting perspecive. I feel I am old enough to speak on the matter… ahem
I did a study of what factors make up Quality of life in older people, and interestingly they overlap with what you say quite a bit. The main point we found was the “love & happiness” (their own words) were the priority, followed by security (read money), control (read physical abilities), then other things…everyone is different of course, but freedom from basic fear makes for a life worth living. I think everyone agrees [on] that!
@ Lucy - I’d love to look at that research — may make for a great follow up - please shoot it to me if you can. Freedom - the next topic - stay tuned
As always…great post…I see so many people who don’t seem to understand they are in control of what happens in their lives…
I’m 54 years old and much prefer who I am now compared to the person I was in my twenties and thirties. While I don’t particularly like some of the side effects of aging I don’t fear getting older…for me each year gets better…
Cheers
PS…Benny..regarding point #2 in your reply to my comment on your last post(that was a mouthful)..I sent you an email answering your question!
Heather -
RE: The Mouthful - I did not get an email
Once you have it figured out that YOU are in control - then YOU ARE in control!
Wonderful advice. I used to say I was going into old age kicking and screaming. Attitude is everything and with the right Yattitude age is truely relavitve. This post combined with DocNicole’s antiaging diet is the recipe for happiness now and down the road.
Going into each new stage of our lives - embracing it and looking forward to it - makes for a much better arrival than the opposite.
Sorry Benny - that particular piece is not yet “in the public domain”, but when it gets there I will shout it out..these things take so long to be released.
I know I’m late commenting here, but I wanted to say what a great post this was. I loved your last sentence you left with us:
“Do not Fear Old Age - Embrace it, as it is coming regardless - so why fear it - use it to your advantage!” That’s the key right there. Always use age to your advantage and resolve to get better every day in every way.
When I hit 30, that was the hardest time of my life. I’ve heard others say the same. “What have I done with my life? What am I here for?” were some of my major questions. It was very hard, but I am much better for it all now. Age 31 was getting only rougher, until I made a decision that I was just going to do great things with my life, no matter what age I was. It has been great ever since. Of course there’s always bumps, but I know how to deal with them now. I’m getting better in every day in every way. Age 32 is going to be even better!
I enjoyed this post a great deal, Benny. You had this one covered on all sides. The best thing said about aging is: It sure beats the alternative!
peace,
Mike
livelife365
@-Jennifer : Right - You have to know yourself well enough to know to how to take advantage of every situation. To be on top of every situation. You need to be in control of the situation and your emotions - when you can and do - you are the best you can be!
——————–
@-Mike: Thanks for stopping by. Yes it does.