Concentration: Control Yourself
May 16, 2008
It has been my pleasure to work with some real positive people. It has also been my misfortune to have sometimes worked with and even for those who have not been able to maintain their self-control. Flying off the handle for the smallest of issues and just plain-out losing it on more occasions than being able to control yourself is not a trait or habit you want to claim ownership of; No Duh…Right?
If you can find even one advantage to being a person who will “flare up” at even the slightest provocation, I’d love to hear from you. You do realize that “being out of control” will give the distinct advantage to the “other” person. Your “temper” and your lack of discipline in controlling yourself and your emotions will throw your entire system out of whack. You will no longer be able to concentrate, think straight, focus or hold an intelligent conversation.
Your argument becomes just that - an argument - with no valid points being able to be made as you have now lost control of your thoughts and actions. You cannot win in whatever you are trying to win when you are out of control and cannot focus your concentration and have relinquished to your temper.
Think: How many times do you come up with the perfect “come back” line a while after the situation is over or has passed. How many times does the answer to the problem sneak into your mind like magic after you have calmed down and a few hours have passed. I bet now that you think about it - more times than you would like to admit.
Did you just get one of those…Ahhhhhhhhhhhs…
Ya! When you let your temper control your mind you cannot make quality decisions and you cannot think straight. The answers that popped from the subconscious mind to the conscious mind just could not work their way out through the scrambled thoughts and uncontrolled temper - they remained buried and unavailable for you to use wisely.
Take it one step further; think about the effect it has on those around you. Workers, who are afraid of their own shadows, tend to make many more mistakes than those who are allowed to work in a positive environment. Telling your employees or family or anyone for that matter that they are wrong constantly actually creates an air of “making mistakes” for them. Positive reinforcement works to your advantage much better in these circumstances. I know there are many managers out in the world who believe this “lead from force” or “keep them under your thumb” theories are just great. You might want to inquire about the level of their employee turnover or the amount of money they feel they need to maintain security levels with their staff; or that amount of money they have lost do to the lack of security.
I cannot say these two things strongly enough to you;
1- Negative will always beget Negative and
2- They REALLY do not care what you know until they KNOW that you Care!
Now luckily for all of us interested in self control, some light anger management and the development of a positive Ya-ttitude that I happen to have an affirmation that will help you stay on course. Being able to always stay in control of yourself will have the positive effect on your life, always allowing you to BE in control of your future. Being able to master your situations, no matter what they are, will always keep you moving forward.
All lacks of self control can be mastered by concentration; remember that always!
I am sure there are many people who do not believe they suffer from this; but a closer look at ourselves will show varying degrees of this inhabits almost all of us. Time to rid ourselves of any lack of control - Let us be our own Master!
A Simple Morning Affirmation
Start your morning with something like this.
Make it personal and make it happen.
I will try “today” to eliminate unnecessary hand or eye movements and gestures.
I will try “today” to not worry over any matter or become nervous, irritable or angry.
I fully intend to remain calm in the face of all issues and situations.
I resolve to be totally free of any sign that can show my lack of self control.
At night, just before bed; review how you did today; be honest with yourself.
Rinse and repeat tomorrow…
At first you will find a few violations of you plan - hey we all make mistakes and we all learn from them; but soon enough you will be able to gain total control of your emotions and hence You will always be able to be in control!
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36 Responses to “Concentration: Control Yourself”
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Awarded by Amy to Ya-ttitude
Way to go Benny! -
There is actually a neurological “block - stop - turn around, road closed” to certain parts of our brain when we allow ourselves to “lose control”. Hence, not having the appropriate response “in the moment”.
Great post!
http://www.outsidemybrainagain.blogspot.com
The loss of control just does not let the “thinking part of the brain” do its job.
I am really trying to point you in the direction of concentrate-focus-control
With my mind I can control my body!
I have a very similar practice but, sometimes I skip either the affirmations or the review and then slowly fall out of the habit of communicating effectively with my “self”. You have brought how important is to re-establish such a practice.
Note to self for to do every day list
Lack of self control can be mastered by concentration. Prepare for the day with affirmations. Do a reality check before preparing for bed.
There will be a bit more to be added to this. But this is a great place to start…
I also do the “Everyday and in every way I am getting better” Every night for 20 times. No specifics… Just everyway. Then later on I will add specifics to the affirmation.
I really enjoy your posts Benny!!
When I was younger I was one of those people who spoke in the “heat” of the moment…without thinking and often times didn’t actually say what I wanted or intend to…as you mentioned I found the words later…after the fact!! Thus…I’ve learned to try to think before I speak…I’ve become a much calmer person, reacting more calmly when a negative issue arises.
Like timethief I have my own way of doing things but it is the same idea as your suggestion…
I am forever going around saying “negativity begets negativity”…which I strongly believe!!!
Cheers
When I was younger I had the same issue - I grew up around much “anger” so I decided I just did not want to be that way. I can tell you that negative will always get you negative - you need to get away from it before you can turn on the positive…
Give it - Get It - Live It!
Ben
I can only give one positive aspect to having the kind of person around that you described. Helping them change, if possible.
I had the type of employee you describe. I had to call her in my office and let her know she was affecting the entire office and I could not let it go on any longer. I came up with a plan. Whenever she started to go into one of her fits, me or one of the supervisors would look at her and give her a thumbs up. This was our discreet signal to remind her of her actions. Slowly over time her actions changed.
When it was announced I was being transferred she came into my office, hugged me and started crying. She said “Thank you for not only making me a better employee, but also a better person.” After she left my office I cried too.
I can’t say if her new behavior stayed the same after I was gone or not, but at least I learned you can make a difference for someone who is making their own life miserable without realizing it. It did take a lot of work, though, and most managers probably wouldn’t do it.
That is exactly what it is all about. Giving positive reinforcement to get a positive result. What good would it have been for the employee to sit and scold or worse fire her. The end result was a positive situation for you and her.
Benny
Benny I love the last 2 affirmations but I’m less convinced about the first 2. I like affirmations to be in the positive and say what we intend to do, not what we intend not to do. I know it’s only subtle differences but we’re trying to communicate with our unconscious mind and that little sucker has a devil of a job dealing with negatives
BTW, that reaction will give you one advantage over the other person. You’ll beat them 99 times out of 100 to a heart attack!
That is one heck of an advantage - Tell you what - they can keep that one and I will remain calm and in control in all situations.
The affirmations are also “vague” on purpose - that is why I wanted you to make the personal.
When you use your own name in the affirmation the results are even stronger!
Thaks for the comments - I am glad your feeling better.
Ben
Excellent post!
Good help for those who don’t know that they are not their emotions.
Thank You for the visit and the comment. We are our emotions, we get our drive and our passsion from them.
Benny,
Great blog and wonderful content. I’m an optimist by nature so your writings blend well with my thoughts on positivity. It’s amazing but everything we do in our life comes down to one and only one thing: It’s up to us to decide what thoughts to choose and then to choose to focus on those thoughts. Miracle happens then!
I’ve subscribed to your blog. Please visit mine when time permits. Cheers!
Shilpan
Thanks for visiting. I have actually been a subscriber to your site for a long time. So I am honored by your visit and comments. I am glad you agree. And you are correct - we decide what we do. Our thoughts ar really the only thing we have the ability to fully control all of the time…
Benny - you have a fantastic site with fantastic content! I especially enjoyed this article as a reminder…I think we can never have enough of valuable reminders no matter how good we get with our thoughts. When most of the world is working against the conscious movement I am sure anyone can understand why.
I myself, like Shilpan above am an optimist and also focused on conscious growth in all areas of my life. And for me no matter what the topic…concentration or getting back to a conscious state is what it is all about!
I agree Evita, and thanks for stopping by. You have to concentrate - and once you have that skill set down — you can do anything and everything you want. The subconscious mind needs all the positive information it can get so it can do wonders to the conscious mind!
This is an excellent post!!!! So often people give into temper and end up in unproductive debates or worse…often forgetting what the topic was.
I think the tools you share are good for business life and home life as well.
Thank you for the work you do
Thak you for stopping by and thank you for reading and commenting. It is true - when we lose our control - we just lose…
Stay in control and win win win!
Home - work - life!
I love positive affirmations & I have been getting into the habit of using them in the morning! I read it takes at least 21 days for a habit to form…I get alot of growing pains when I first begin to incorporate a good habit into my life! Those bad habits are easy to kick in!
Take care!
Yes Ma’am - About 21-30 days for a habit to take hold. The beauty about habits is that you can always replace a bad one with a good one. It is hard to drop a bad habit - but easy to REPLACE.
You stay with it and watch how easy it gets!
Ben
Great post, Benny! I am a big fan of positive thinking/reinforcement, and always use this with my son.
HOWEVER, I have to admit to a certain flash temper (I should have been a redhead). It doesn’t happen often, and it takes a lot to get me there, but when I do, look out for flying plates!
Nicole
Nicole… So when you feel the “flash” igniting inside of you - try a big ole smile. Hard to be mad - or out of control with a smile. Think of something funny — or just something that will give you a ear-to-ear smile.
Plates are for serving not for playing frisbee…
You aren’t a read head?
Benny
I really like your thinking on this. If we don’t do the daily affirmation thing . . . it’ll just be one of those goals I’ll do next week. Change takes action, and this post gives us the tools. I will try it out next week (kidding) I mean tomorrow morning. Cheers.
Thanks for peeking in Rob. Change takes action - Positive change take positive actions.
I have a few posts on Procrastination for you to look at Rob, if you keep up that attitude
http://ya-ttitude.com/blog/2008/03/10/ya-ttitude-procrasti-nation/
Ben
You are so right, Benny. Negativity does beget negativity. Been there done that. Don’t want to go back. Attitude is everything. And affirmations are so important to help us to get where we want to be.
I think it is important to note here that anger is the number one addiction. Uncovering the source of the anger - unresolved emotional pain - and dealing with it is the only way to really stop this “flying off the handle. “
Attitude is huge. Yes digging deep within yourself to find the answers is as important as a good breakfast
Get ready for the upcoming posts we dig deeper…
Great attitude, I hope by reading your blog it will rub off on me. I’m always trying, but my temper gets the best of me and I stew, stew, stew. Don’t get me wrong, I’m generally optimistic and easy going but I would like to control anger better. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for stopping By Jess…
Stew is great for Dinner - but not for your attitude. Try smiling when you feel the anger building up… It will force you to let it go. If you look up and read Jen’s comment on the addiction of anger - you get a bit more to “chew” not stew on…
Ben
Funny that I should be reading this on the day that someone is not in control on the BC boards. Well, no accident, since you got my attention, but I wasn’t expecting to find such a relevant post.
I need to start doing yoga more regularly again. I find that usually takes care of the rest, since it brings my mind and body a little more in sync.
Hey Mark - Thaks for the help and the info on the BC boards. I wonder if it is a coincidence or just my way of life. Sometimes I wonder about coincidences…
Yoga is a great focus-relax tool. I jut started last week or so…
Oh Ben, this is a FANTASTIC article. And you present it so positively and without judgment which allows people who have anger/out-of-control issues to deal with them without being judged. You are so loving, warm and kind in your efforts to help your fellow humans. That is not the case with all healers. They can be in a helping/healing profession but still judge. My hat is off to you! WELL DONE! I especially love the line:
“They REALLY do not care what you know until they KNOW that you Care!”
WOW!!!!
Thanks Robin - Haven’t seen you on here in a while - The Ya-ttitudes were missing you. Thanks for the kind words. I have learned a few things in life - being non-judgemental is one - walking away from someone who is, another and trying to stay in and under your own control at all time - obviously we are all humans and can not be perfect - but there is no reason not to try your best at all times!
I love that Line!
“They REALLY do not care what you know until they KNOW that you Care!”
Love it Benny! I am a big fan of positive affirmations and I thank you for the reminder! I like to make a list of mine and hang them on my bathroom mirror so that each day is sure to start off on the right note with the right ya-ttitude!
Bathroom Mirror is good. Bedroom Mirror, night table - and the Fridge is another awesome spot…
I start my day and end my day in similar ways — we will get into that soon
Ben
I think that this entire story KICKS bootie! I love it, but to instill it in those that actually do this, is the challenge. I just left a job, with this being one of the major reasons.
There is no worse behavior than this, and I must say, it began to effect my home life, and me. I started to change, and try to figure out how to figure them out, when in reality, I didn’t honestly need to. I removed myself from the situation, and albeit do not have a job, I am back to normal, back to sleeping.
That shows how drastic this type of behavior can have an effect another person. But the one’s that dish it out, I can’t even imagine how their sleep patterns are, how do they live with themselves, do they feel this behavior is appropriate?
Isn’t it amazing how many people do not quit their jobs they quit their employers. The leadership from fear is a tactic that many employ. It is one that alwys leads to high employee turnover and even worse, no employee loyalty and high employee theft. And that theft does not have to be in hard goods. It can be in simple pay without play.